Love is Respect is a great website where you get information about dating abuse, take a relationship makeover quiz, or chat online with a counselor.
Visit it!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Teen Dating Abuse Hotline
Love is Respect is a great website where you get information about dating abuse, take a relationship makeover quiz, or chat online with a counselor.
Visit it!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Draw Your Line!
Draw Your Line is a place where MTV celebrates all the ways you and your friends are taking action to stop the spread of digital abuse (cyberbullying, sexting, textual harassment, etc.). While you're here, you can also connect to local resources and find other ways to make a difference.
Check it out!
Reviving Ophelia
Lifetime has a great movie about dating violence called "Reviving Ophelia."
Check out the website and catch a showing of it!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
See It and Stop It.
Visit See It and Stop It and recognize the difference between and good relationship and a bad one.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
NEW Women's Advocates HERO PSA
Check out our new PSA on Dating Violence! Thanks to Bill Berg, Angie Voreis, Brooke Erwin, and Mike Clouthier at the University of Minnesota for all their hard work!
Monday, June 14, 2010
Do you have digital drama?
Take the quiz at A Thin Line to find out about what your digital style is.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
10 Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship
1.Their boyfriend/girlfriend calls them names or puts them down in front of others.
2.Their boyfriend/girlfriend acts extremely jealous when they talk to friends of the opposite sex, even when it is completely innocent.
3.Your friend often cancels plans at the last minute, for reasons that sound untrue.
4.Your friend frequently apologizes for their boyfriend/girlfriend.
5.Your friend's boyfriend/girlfriend is constantly checking up on them, calling or texting, and demanding to know where they have been.
6.You've seen the boyfriend/girlfriend lose their temper, maybe even get violent when they're mad.
7.Your friend is always worried about upsetting their boyfriend/girlfriend.
8.Your friend is giving up things that used to be important to them, such as spending time with friends or other activities, and is becoming more and more isolated.
9.Your friend's weight, appearance or grades have changed dramatically.
10.Your friend has injuries they can't explain, or the explanations they give don't add up.
2.Their boyfriend/girlfriend acts extremely jealous when they talk to friends of the opposite sex, even when it is completely innocent.
3.Your friend often cancels plans at the last minute, for reasons that sound untrue.
4.Your friend frequently apologizes for their boyfriend/girlfriend.
5.Your friend's boyfriend/girlfriend is constantly checking up on them, calling or texting, and demanding to know where they have been.
6.You've seen the boyfriend/girlfriend lose their temper, maybe even get violent when they're mad.
7.Your friend is always worried about upsetting their boyfriend/girlfriend.
8.Your friend is giving up things that used to be important to them, such as spending time with friends or other activities, and is becoming more and more isolated.
9.Your friend's weight, appearance or grades have changed dramatically.
10.Your friend has injuries they can't explain, or the explanations they give don't add up.
Why is it so hard to leave an abusive relationship?
There are many reasons why a person in an abusive situation will remain in the relationship. If you have a friend dealing with an abusive partner, you can better support them by understanding the various obstacles they may be dealing with when trying to leave or seek help.
Conflicting Emotions:
•Believing Abuse is Normal: If your friend doesn’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, perhaps from growing up in an environment where abuse was common, they may not recognize their relationship as abusive.
•Fear: They may be afraid of what will happen if they decide to leave the relationship. If your friend has been threatened in the past by their partner, or by their family and friends, they won’t feel safe leaving.
•Fear of Being “Outed”: If your friend is involved in a same-sex relationship and has not yet come out to their friends and family, their partner may threaten to reveal this secret. This may feel especially scary for teens who are just beginning to explore their sexuality.
•Embarrassment: It’s hard to admit that you’ve been abused. Your friend may feel that they’ve done something wrong by becoming involved with an abusive partner. They may worry that their friends and family will judge them.
•Low Self-Esteem: If your partner constantly puts you down and blames you for things, it can be easy to believe those things are true and that the abuse is your fault.
•Love: Your friend may still be hoping that the abuser will change (if a person you love tells you they’ll change, you’ll want that to be true). They often only want the violence to stop, not for the relationship to end entirely.
Pressure:
•Social/Peer Pressure: If the abuser is popular, it can be hard for a person to tell their friends about the abuse for fear that no one would believe them or that everyone would take the abuser’s side.
•Cultural/Religious Reasons: Traditional gender roles can make it difficult for young women to admit to being sexually active, and for young men to admit to being abused. Also, your friend’s culture and/or religion may influence them to stay rather than end the relationship for fear of bringing shame upon their family.
Distrust of Adults or Authority:
•“Puppy-love” Phenomena: Adults often don’t believe that teens experience true love. So if something goes wrong in the relationship, your friend may feel like they have no adults to turn to or that no one would take them seriously.
•Distrust of Police: Many teens do not feel that the police can or will help them, so they don’t report the abuse.
•Language Barriers/ Immigration Status: Someone may fear that reporting the abuse will affect the processing of their immigration status. Also, if their first language isn’t English, it can be difficult to express the depth of the abuse to others.
Reliance on Abusive Partner:
•Lack of money: Your friend may have become financially dependent on their abusive partner. Without money, it can seem impossible for them to leave the relationship.
•Nowhere to go: Even if they could leave, your friend may think that they have nowhere to go or no one to turn to once they’ve ended the relationship.
•Disability: If your friend is physically dependent on their abusive partner, they can feel that their well-being is connected to the relationship. This makes it seemingly impossible to leave.
Conflicting Emotions:
•Believing Abuse is Normal: If your friend doesn’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, perhaps from growing up in an environment where abuse was common, they may not recognize their relationship as abusive.
•Fear: They may be afraid of what will happen if they decide to leave the relationship. If your friend has been threatened in the past by their partner, or by their family and friends, they won’t feel safe leaving.
•Fear of Being “Outed”: If your friend is involved in a same-sex relationship and has not yet come out to their friends and family, their partner may threaten to reveal this secret. This may feel especially scary for teens who are just beginning to explore their sexuality.
•Embarrassment: It’s hard to admit that you’ve been abused. Your friend may feel that they’ve done something wrong by becoming involved with an abusive partner. They may worry that their friends and family will judge them.
•Low Self-Esteem: If your partner constantly puts you down and blames you for things, it can be easy to believe those things are true and that the abuse is your fault.
•Love: Your friend may still be hoping that the abuser will change (if a person you love tells you they’ll change, you’ll want that to be true). They often only want the violence to stop, not for the relationship to end entirely.
Pressure:
•Social/Peer Pressure: If the abuser is popular, it can be hard for a person to tell their friends about the abuse for fear that no one would believe them or that everyone would take the abuser’s side.
•Cultural/Religious Reasons: Traditional gender roles can make it difficult for young women to admit to being sexually active, and for young men to admit to being abused. Also, your friend’s culture and/or religion may influence them to stay rather than end the relationship for fear of bringing shame upon their family.
Distrust of Adults or Authority:
•“Puppy-love” Phenomena: Adults often don’t believe that teens experience true love. So if something goes wrong in the relationship, your friend may feel like they have no adults to turn to or that no one would take them seriously.
•Distrust of Police: Many teens do not feel that the police can or will help them, so they don’t report the abuse.
•Language Barriers/ Immigration Status: Someone may fear that reporting the abuse will affect the processing of their immigration status. Also, if their first language isn’t English, it can be difficult to express the depth of the abuse to others.
Reliance on Abusive Partner:
•Lack of money: Your friend may have become financially dependent on their abusive partner. Without money, it can seem impossible for them to leave the relationship.
•Nowhere to go: Even if they could leave, your friend may think that they have nowhere to go or no one to turn to once they’ve ended the relationship.
•Disability: If your friend is physically dependent on their abusive partner, they can feel that their well-being is connected to the relationship. This makes it seemingly impossible to leave.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
How to Break Up Safely
If you don’t feel safe, don’t break up in person. It may seem cruel to break up over the phone or by email, but it can provide you the distance needed to stay safe.
If you decide to break up in person, consider doing it in a public place. Have friends or your parents wait for you nearby. Take a cell phone with you if possible.
Let your friends and parents know you are ending your relationship, especially if you think your ex will come to your house or try to get you alone.
If your ex tries to come to your house when you’re alone, don’t go to the door.
Ask for help. A Peer Advocate at the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline can help you make a plan or locate local resources if you need. (1-866-331-9474)
Consider changing your route to and from school, work, extracurricular activities, and home. Try to change your locker or school schedule.
Keep a calling card and/or extra money in an “emergency wallet” that you have with you always. Include a list of emergency phone numbers.
With your support network, especially your friends, have a code word that you use if abuser is present and you need help, so your friends can call the police and/or other people to help you.
If you decide to break up in person, consider doing it in a public place. Have friends or your parents wait for you nearby. Take a cell phone with you if possible.
Let your friends and parents know you are ending your relationship, especially if you think your ex will come to your house or try to get you alone.
If your ex tries to come to your house when you’re alone, don’t go to the door.
Ask for help. A Peer Advocate at the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline can help you make a plan or locate local resources if you need. (1-866-331-9474)
Consider changing your route to and from school, work, extracurricular activities, and home. Try to change your locker or school schedule.
Keep a calling card and/or extra money in an “emergency wallet” that you have with you always. Include a list of emergency phone numbers.
With your support network, especially your friends, have a code word that you use if abuser is present and you need help, so your friends can call the police and/or other people to help you.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Helping a Friend in an Abusive Relationship
Tell your friend that you are concerned for their safety. Let them know that you care and will listen whenever they want to talk.
Never blame or judge your friend for what is happening. Don’t make them feel stupid or ashamed. Your friend doesn’t deserve this and it is NOT their fault.
Be supportive and patient. It may be hard for the person to talk about what is going on, or they may break up and go back to the relationship many times before they finally leave. Don’t criticize your friend for doing this, even if you don’t agree with the choices he or she makes.
Encourage the person to talk to others. Offer to help the person talk to family, friends, a teacher, or a counselor. Offer to get them more information. Use the National Teen Dating Abuse hotline: 1-866-331-9474
Don’t force your friend to make a decision. They have to decide when they are ready to get help or break up. Help them to make s decision for themselves, and know that you can’t do it for them.
Focus on her/his strengths. Your friend has probably continually been told by the abusive person that they are a bad person, a bad student, or a bad friend. Your friend may believe they can’t do anything right. Tell your friend why they are great- build up their confidence!
Never blame or judge your friend for what is happening. Don’t make them feel stupid or ashamed. Your friend doesn’t deserve this and it is NOT their fault.
Be supportive and patient. It may be hard for the person to talk about what is going on, or they may break up and go back to the relationship many times before they finally leave. Don’t criticize your friend for doing this, even if you don’t agree with the choices he or she makes.
Encourage the person to talk to others. Offer to help the person talk to family, friends, a teacher, or a counselor. Offer to get them more information. Use the National Teen Dating Abuse hotline: 1-866-331-9474
Don’t force your friend to make a decision. They have to decide when they are ready to get help or break up. Help them to make s decision for themselves, and know that you can’t do it for them.
Focus on her/his strengths. Your friend has probably continually been told by the abusive person that they are a bad person, a bad student, or a bad friend. Your friend may believe they can’t do anything right. Tell your friend why they are great- build up their confidence!
Dating Bill of Rights
I Have the Right:
To be treated with respect always
To be in a healthy relationship
To not be abused-physically, sexually, or emotionally
To keep my body, feelings, beliefs, and property to myself
To have friends and activities apart from my boy/girlfriend
To say no
To feel safe in the relationship
To be treated as an equal
To feel comfortable being myself
To leave a relationship
To be treated with respect always
To be in a healthy relationship
To not be abused-physically, sexually, or emotionally
To keep my body, feelings, beliefs, and property to myself
To have friends and activities apart from my boy/girlfriend
To say no
To feel safe in the relationship
To be treated as an equal
To feel comfortable being myself
To leave a relationship
