Check out these websites!

These websites have cool videos, facts, and other helpful information:

Loveisrespect.org

Love is respect has fun videos and relationship quizzes you can take to see how your relationship stacks up! This website also has a chat feature so you can chat live with a repesntative.

Loveisnotabuse.com

Got an iPhone? Get the Love Is Not Abuse app!The app is an educational resource that demonstrates the dangers of digital dating abuse and provides links to resources.


Breakthecycle.org

Break the cycle offers resources and information for anyone who is interested in helping to break the cycle of violence! You can request a speaker to come to your school!

Thatsnotcool.org

That's not cool has a really cool feature that let's you create your own avatar right on the website! It aso has call out cards which are annonymous digital cards that you can email or facebook to safely give them a hint about what you think! Stop by and play one of their many cool games!

Athinline.org

A Thin Line is a website created by MTV. You can draw your line to let everyone know not to cross it. Take a quiz to see how much digital drama you have in your life!Get the facts on sexting and other forms of digital disrespect!

Everybody argues: How to do it right!

We all get angry and hurt from time to time, but feeling angry and inflicting our full force of fury on our bf/gf are two very different things. Exploding out of anger can damage a relationship and is totally unhealthy. Here are some tips for arguing fair, you'll be surprised how effective it is when you lower your voice and communicate!

1. Absolutely no physical violence! It is never ok to hit. When you are angry, the likelihood of hurting someone more than triples, even if you don't intent to hurt them. You don't know your own strength when adrenaline is pumping through your body. Ever heard of the women who picked up a truck with her bare hands when her baby was in trouble? Exactly, keep your hands to yourself!

2. Never name call or belittle. It won't get you anywhere, it will hurt the relationship and both people involved. Remember, words can be weapons too!

3. Don't dig up the past. Avoid the "you always" and the "remember when you's." Stay focused on the topic you are arguing about now. It isn't healthy to bring up past arguments and issues, then you'll never get anything solved!

4. Establish your "bottom line," and make sure that the other person knows it. If crossed, you may need to end the relationship.

5. There should always be one person talking at a time! It's simple really, you won't be able to hear each other otherwise. It's not a duet, it's an argument.

6. Either person may take a "chill pill" at anytime. If the argument gets too intense or someone feels cornered, they are allowed a break to re-coop their thoughts.

7. Never fight "dirty." You know how to push each others buttons, don't cheat and go for the vulnerable spots you know your bf/gf has. It's too easy, and it's just plain mean and unproductive.

8. Agree to have a third person step in if it gets out of hand. If you ever feel unsafe, contact an adult you trust.

It's Not Just The Physical: Intimidation, Threats, and Sexual Coercion

We usually think about hitting and physical things as abuse, but thats NOT the only form of abuse. These are often dismissed and ignored:

Intimidation
Making you afraid by using looks, actions or gestures
Smashing things
Destroying property
Abusing pets

Threats
Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you
Threatening to leave, commit suicide, report you to the police
Making you drop charges
Making you do illegal things

Sexual Coercion
Manipulating or making threats to get sex
Threatening to tell your parents that you are having sex
Getting your drunk or drugging you to get sex
Telling you that if you really loved them you would do this for them
Making you feel like you owe them sex


You can’t control other people’s decisions and you’re not responsible for their actions. But you can make healthy choices for yourself. Telling someone what to wear is controlling. And even if you have a disagreement, it shouldn’t become a screaming match. If you or someone you know hears someone say they’re going to kill themselves, it’s time to tell an adult you trust or call the National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: 1 (866) 331-9474 You have the right to make your own decisions about sex and your bf/gf shouldn't make you feel guilty about them.

(information from loveisrespect.org)

Breaking up is hard to do: how to do it safely

When someones hurts you, it can be tough to end things because you may be scared about what will happen after. How will they take the news? Will they be angry? Here are a few tips on breaking up safely:

Remember that you don’t owe them anything. This person hurt you and, in many cases, destroyed your self-esteem, all while being totally aware of what they were doing. You don’t owe them an explanation, a face-to-face breakup, another chance or even a returned phone call. You owe yourself the peace of mind of being safe.

Be clear that you don’t want any further contact. This can be hard to swallow, but it will be better for you in the long run. You can’t change their behavior, but you can change your own. Blocking them through facebook, phone and email can take away their ability to contact you, so that would be a great option too.

If you do decide to meet with them, take someone with you. A quick getaway if your partner starts to become angry is a must for this situation. If you can’t have someone there with you, at least have someone on speed dial and let a few people know what time you leave and what time you want to be home. Always meet in public where there will be other people around and be insistent on not leaving the sight of at least one other set of eyes (even if they are a stranger’s).

Know what you want to say and how you want to say it. It is so tempting to fall back into the relationship. Keep a list handy (at all times) of why you broke things off. Some things are unforgivable from a partner and insults, physical harm or threats definitely fall into this category. Be sure that what you are saying makes it clear that you have suffered enough and don’t want them in your life. Be strong- you can do it!

Stay safe at school. If you have to see them at school, let your teachers and/or guidance counselor know. You have a right to feel safe on the way to school, at school and on the way home. If this person is taunting or threatening you at school, it is important that you let someone know. Develop a plan for when you at school to keep you feeling safe. Have a friend walk you to class and have a place to go afterschool (like your favorite teacher’s class) if you need to wait for a parent to pick you up. Take a hiatus from any extracurriculars you share with your ex-partner.

Call a dating violence hotline. Like the National Dating Abuse Hotline 1-866-331-9474 They are pros at this and can talk you through more specific strategies for your breakup.

Info taken from loveisrespect.org check out their website for more helpful information!

Are you a jealousy monster??

Scene: Your bf is talking to Jessica in 2nd hour and then walks out of class with her laughing because she dropped her planner for the second time that day. You see them together and you get an uneasy feeling in your stomach. That feeling is jealousy, and it’s perfectly normal. How you react to that feeling determines whether you are a jealousy monster or a cool gf.

If you tease your bf and brush it off because you have nothing to worry about-I mean he’s with you not her right?-then you’re a cool gf.

If you yell at him and start asking questions like “Why were you flirting with her?” or “Why don’t you think I’m pretty?” then you are a jealousy monster!! What can you do to make your relationship healthy?

-Own your feelings! Jealousy has nothing to do with your bf/gf, it has everything to do with how you feel about yourself.

-Tackle your insecurity. Jealousy is a form of insecurity. Tell your bf/gf how you really feel and don’t expect those feelings to go away overnight. For the most part, jealousy shows that you have low self esteem. Know that you are worthwhile!

-Learn from the past and deal with what’s real. Realize that getting upset for no reason won’t help your situation. Look back to how this has damaged your relationships in the past.

-Get help from your bf/gf and your friends. Let them help keep you in check.

-If you can talk yourself into jealousy, you can talk yourself out of it. Don’t let your imagination run wild with thoughts. Calm yourself down by thinking, “Yea that girl was looking at my bf but I have no evidence that he wants to date her instead of me.”

Remember, it’s totally cool to be a little jealous and it may even be a little flattering, but don’t become a jealousy monster and destroy your relationship! That's just straight up unhealthy!

Textual Harrasment

Have you been pressured to send a nude pic to your bf or gf? It can be hard to say no to someone you care about, even if it's something you don't want to do. Keep these things in mind when you are confronted with a nude pic request:

-Once you click the send button, there is no take backs! It's out there in the digital world forever!

-Even if they cross their heart and pinky promise not to show anyone, they might. It's totally out of your control once you send it.

-Nearly 1 in 5 sext recipients have passed along a sext to someone else, even if they have promised to keep it private.

-More than 50% of people who have shared a sext, have shared it with MULTIPLE people. Think about that, your nude pic could end up in the whole schools hands!

-If someone really cared about you, they wouldn't pressure you to do things you are not comfortable with.

If you are having a hard time saying no, try this:

Send them a callout card! It's a funny and totally anonymous way to let someone know that you're not into sending nude pics!

Test your skills on saying no to pic pressure with this cool game.


(Facts from athinline.org)

Constant Texting: That's Not Cool!

22% of teens say their boy/girlfriend checks up on them too often.

Three questions to ask yourself about constant texting and messaging:

1.Why does my bf/gf need to know where I am and what I'm doing every minute of the day?

In a healthy relationship, partners trust each other and give each other room to breathe, enjoy time with friends and family, and chill out. In an emotionally abusive relationship, one partner tries to control the other, often by demeaning them, making them feel worthless, and trying to control their actions and decisions. Take constant messaging for what it is: a big flashing neon sign that says, "I'm trying to control you!" Talk it out, and cut the cord if it doesn't stop.

2.Does sending or receiving a message every 5 minutes all day and night seem normal?

Open communication is an important part of any relationship or friendship. But when the line between staying in touch and keeping tabs gets blurry, it's time for an offline convo with your bf/gf. And if you see it happening with your friends – whether they're doing it or it's happening to them – show them some love by calling them out on it.

3.Do the messages I'm receiving sometimes make me feel bad?

If a friend, partner, or the person you hooked up with last month is using IMs, emails, or texts to say mean things about how you look, what you're wearing, or who you're with on a regular basis, that's a form of emotional abuse. We're not talking about one text, one time, that said your blue dress wasn't his or her favorite... we're talking about a pattern of power-tripping comments meant to make you feel bad.

If constant texing is not your thing, draw your line! Don't assume s/he realizes they're texting your relationship into the ground. Talk it out and be crystal clear about what specifically needs to change (in other words, don't just say, ‘Quit texting me all the time!'). Texting to make plans or if you haven't seen each other all day? Fine. Texting every five minutes to see where you are and who you are with? Not okay.

(Information from athinline.org)

Be an active bystander! Help a friend

Dating violence is not just about the abuser and the person being abused. It is a serious problem that effects everyone involved. There are three roles in dating violence:

Abuser: A person who physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally hurts or attempts to control an intimate partner

Target: A person who is subjected to controlling behavior or hurt physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally by a intimate partner.

Bystander: A person who is aware or suspects that someone is being abused in a dating relationship. The bystander may become aware of the abuse through the abuser’s or target’s actions or words.

A bystander does not have to witness the abuse; they simply have to know about the abuse. An active bystander should encourage the target to talk to someone who can provide help and guidance and offer their support. Bystanders can also talk to friends who are behaving abusively and express their disapproval or ask them to stop if they feel safe doing so. Studies show, that teens are more likely to confide in their friends than any other source.BE AN ACTIVE BYSTANDER! You can help make a difference.


(Adapted from loveisnotabuse.com, 2011)