So...what exactly is a healthy relationship?

Everyone likes to talk about "healthy relationships," but what exactly is a healthy relationship? Find out! And see if your relationship stacks up.

  Mutual respect. Does your BF/GF get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because you're acting like someone you're not!) The key is that your BF or GF is into you for who you are — for your great sense of humor, your love of reality TV, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.

  Trust. It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.

  Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.

  Support. It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but can't take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, your BF/GF is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.

  Fairness/equality. You need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? It's not like you have to keep a running count and make sure things are exactly even, of course. But you'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.

  Separate identities. In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.

  Good communication. You've probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women don't seem to speak the same language. We all know how many different meanings the little phrase "no, nothing's wrong" can have, depending on who's saying it! But what's important is to ask if you're not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. Never keep a feeling bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants to hear or because you worry about sounding silly. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that if you ask for it.

 Sounds nice right? You deserve to have all of the above, now that's a healthy relationship! Info from: teenshealth.org/teen/

So your friend is abusive...what do you do?

We love our friends, and it's hard to tell them that we think they are doing something wrong. But it's our job as friends to call them out when they are being abusive, after all, it reflects who WE are if we continue to hang out with them. It's not easy to tell your friend that you think they are being abusive to their bf or gf, here are some tips to help the process go smoother:


*If you feel safe doing so, ask your friend how they feel and let them know you're concerned.

*Encourage your friend to talk to a counselor or an adult they trust for help. Be there for them when they reach out for help.

*Don't cut off your friend. Listen to them and help them clarify their feelings.

*Encourage them to be honest.

*Understand that abuse is a choice and don't get stuck in the middle.

*Don't encourage or make jokes about abuse. You want to be a part of the solution, not the problem.

Yeah, it's hard to tell your friend that they are being abusive, but it's even harder to stand by and watch it happen. Don't be a bystander, it's just not a good look on anyone.

Still having a hard time breaking the ice? Need some more advice or helpful hints?Contact the National Dating Abuse Helpline at www.loveisrespect.org and at 1-866-331-9474 (1-866-331-8453 TTY)

Info from thatsnotcool.org

Are you treating your bf/gf right? Check yourself with this quiz!

1. Do you ever get upset when your partner spends time with their family or friends without you?

2. Have you ever checked your partner’s phone or text messages without them knowing?

3. During past disagreements with your partner, have you been able to discuss problems calmly and resolve them together?

4. Have you ever tried to convince your partner to be more sexual with you?

5. In your opinion, is it ever ok to keep certain things private from your partner?

See how you scored:

1. If you answered YES: In a healthy relationship, it is important for both partners to respect each other’s space and their relationships with others. Discouraging or preventing a partner from seeing family or friends is controlling and unfair. Trying to control your partner is a warning sign for abusive behavior.

2. If you answered YES: Checking someone’s messages without their permission violates their privacy and their trust in you. If you are checking up on them because you suspect they are cheating it is best to be direct and talk about it.

3. If you answered NO: Healthy communication involves listening to each other during disagreements and communicating in a calm manner. Walking away from discussions or choosing not to resolve problems will deteriorate your relationship. Yelling and cussing are always inappropriate and are abusive methods of communication.

4. If you answered YES: A healthy sexual relationship means that both partners agree to and feel comfortable with sexual activity. Trying to pressure, convince, or beg a partner to have sex is unhealthy and shows disrespect for your partner’s boundaries and feelings. Using force or threats to have sex is sexual assault or rape.

5. If you answered NO: Although honesty is an important part of a healthy relationship, we are not entitled to know everything about the people we date. Everyone has the right to keep certain things private. It is, however, always best to be honest about things that affect the relationship. These are things that need to be shared.

Quiz from: teenrelationships.org

Check out these websites!

These websites have cool videos, facts, and other helpful information:

Loveisrespect.org

Love is respect has fun videos and relationship quizzes you can take to see how your relationship stacks up! This website also has a chat feature so you can chat live with a repesntative.

Loveisnotabuse.com

Got an iPhone? Get the Love Is Not Abuse app!The app is an educational resource that demonstrates the dangers of digital dating abuse and provides links to resources.


Breakthecycle.org

Break the cycle offers resources and information for anyone who is interested in helping to break the cycle of violence! You can request a speaker to come to your school!

Thatsnotcool.org

That's not cool has a really cool feature that let's you create your own avatar right on the website! It aso has call out cards which are annonymous digital cards that you can email or facebook to safely give them a hint about what you think! Stop by and play one of their many cool games!

Athinline.org

A Thin Line is a website created by MTV. You can draw your line to let everyone know not to cross it. Take a quiz to see how much digital drama you have in your life!Get the facts on sexting and other forms of digital disrespect!

Everybody argues: How to do it right!

We all get angry and hurt from time to time, but feeling angry and inflicting our full force of fury on our bf/gf are two very different things. Exploding out of anger can damage a relationship and is totally unhealthy. Here are some tips for arguing fair, you'll be surprised how effective it is when you lower your voice and communicate!

1. Absolutely no physical violence! It is never ok to hit. When you are angry, the likelihood of hurting someone more than triples, even if you don't intent to hurt them. You don't know your own strength when adrenaline is pumping through your body. Ever heard of the women who picked up a truck with her bare hands when her baby was in trouble? Exactly, keep your hands to yourself!

2. Never name call or belittle. It won't get you anywhere, it will hurt the relationship and both people involved. Remember, words can be weapons too!

3. Don't dig up the past. Avoid the "you always" and the "remember when you's." Stay focused on the topic you are arguing about now. It isn't healthy to bring up past arguments and issues, then you'll never get anything solved!

4. Establish your "bottom line," and make sure that the other person knows it. If crossed, you may need to end the relationship.

5. There should always be one person talking at a time! It's simple really, you won't be able to hear each other otherwise. It's not a duet, it's an argument.

6. Either person may take a "chill pill" at anytime. If the argument gets too intense or someone feels cornered, they are allowed a break to re-coop their thoughts.

7. Never fight "dirty." You know how to push each others buttons, don't cheat and go for the vulnerable spots you know your bf/gf has. It's too easy, and it's just plain mean and unproductive.

8. Agree to have a third person step in if it gets out of hand. If you ever feel unsafe, contact an adult you trust.

It's Not Just The Physical: Intimidation, Threats, and Sexual Coercion

We usually think about hitting and physical things as abuse, but thats NOT the only form of abuse. These are often dismissed and ignored:

Intimidation
Making you afraid by using looks, actions or gestures
Smashing things
Destroying property
Abusing pets

Threats
Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you
Threatening to leave, commit suicide, report you to the police
Making you drop charges
Making you do illegal things

Sexual Coercion
Manipulating or making threats to get sex
Threatening to tell your parents that you are having sex
Getting your drunk or drugging you to get sex
Telling you that if you really loved them you would do this for them
Making you feel like you owe them sex


You can’t control other people’s decisions and you’re not responsible for their actions. But you can make healthy choices for yourself. Telling someone what to wear is controlling. And even if you have a disagreement, it shouldn’t become a screaming match. If you or someone you know hears someone say they’re going to kill themselves, it’s time to tell an adult you trust or call the National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: 1 (866) 331-9474 You have the right to make your own decisions about sex and your bf/gf shouldn't make you feel guilty about them.

(information from loveisrespect.org)

Breaking up is hard to do: how to do it safely

When someones hurts you, it can be tough to end things because you may be scared about what will happen after. How will they take the news? Will they be angry? Here are a few tips on breaking up safely:

Remember that you don’t owe them anything. This person hurt you and, in many cases, destroyed your self-esteem, all while being totally aware of what they were doing. You don’t owe them an explanation, a face-to-face breakup, another chance or even a returned phone call. You owe yourself the peace of mind of being safe.

Be clear that you don’t want any further contact. This can be hard to swallow, but it will be better for you in the long run. You can’t change their behavior, but you can change your own. Blocking them through facebook, phone and email can take away their ability to contact you, so that would be a great option too.

If you do decide to meet with them, take someone with you. A quick getaway if your partner starts to become angry is a must for this situation. If you can’t have someone there with you, at least have someone on speed dial and let a few people know what time you leave and what time you want to be home. Always meet in public where there will be other people around and be insistent on not leaving the sight of at least one other set of eyes (even if they are a stranger’s).

Know what you want to say and how you want to say it. It is so tempting to fall back into the relationship. Keep a list handy (at all times) of why you broke things off. Some things are unforgivable from a partner and insults, physical harm or threats definitely fall into this category. Be sure that what you are saying makes it clear that you have suffered enough and don’t want them in your life. Be strong- you can do it!

Stay safe at school. If you have to see them at school, let your teachers and/or guidance counselor know. You have a right to feel safe on the way to school, at school and on the way home. If this person is taunting or threatening you at school, it is important that you let someone know. Develop a plan for when you at school to keep you feeling safe. Have a friend walk you to class and have a place to go afterschool (like your favorite teacher’s class) if you need to wait for a parent to pick you up. Take a hiatus from any extracurriculars you share with your ex-partner.

Call a dating violence hotline. Like the National Dating Abuse Hotline 1-866-331-9474 They are pros at this and can talk you through more specific strategies for your breakup.

Info taken from loveisrespect.org check out their website for more helpful information!