Texting while Dating

Texting is often the preferred method of communication in a relationship. If you’re just getting to know someone, it’s low-key and doesn’t involve the pressure that can come with talking face-to-face. If you’re already friends but just are now getting to know them in a romantic way, texting can help ease the transition from friendship to relationship. And even though relationships cannot be built solely on texting, they’re often a great way to stay in touch with your partner and deepen your bond.

Nothing can replace face-to-face conversation, but knowing how to text in a relationship means you’ll be able to communicate effectively and show your special someone the respect they deserve, from one phone to another.

Texting While You’re Dating

If you are still in the early stages of a relationship, texting can be a fun way to share more of yourselves, whether that’s pictures of your cat or more intimate thoughts and feelings.

The thing is, when you hit the send button, you’ve lost control over who sees that message. Once you sext or send an inappropriate photo, for example, you’re losing control over who may actually see that photo -- say, your partner’s best friends, sports team members, classmates, parents, teachers -- you name it, someone else can eventually see it, whether by your partner’s choice or not.

Early on, you’ll want to talk about setting boundaries. This extends to digital boundaries about what you’re comfortable sending via text. It’s important to communicate openly and honestly about what you’re ok sending and let your partner know what you are comfortable sharing over text.

Partners who are abusive may ask for a photo or more, or may coerce and manipulate you into giving them what they want. Saying things like “if you really loved me” or “you must not trust me” is more subtle and manipulative than just “send me a photo now” -- be wary of anyone who doesn’t respect the boundaries you’ve set up. Furthermore, be respectful of your partner’s boundaries. If they don’t feel comfortable sending you something, it doesn’t mean they don’t trust you. It just means that, for them, this is a line they are not willing to cross.

Texting In a Committed Relationship

When you’re in a committed relationship, texting can be a way to quickly talk to each other about your day, make plans for the weekend or share photos and video. Unfortunately, it also has the potential to become another avenue for abuse.

If you text your partner to see what they’re up to and they don’t answer right away, give them a chance to respond. There are a ton of reasons they may not be responding right away. Maybe their phone has been confiscated by teachers or parents. Maybe it’s lost or stolen, or their phone is in an area with terrible reception and they can’t receive your texts.

Avoid texting constantly asking for an answer -- not only is it very annoying, it can border on downright unhealthy. Demanding to know why your partner isn’t answering your texts is aggressive and controlling. And if your partner is texting 20, 30 or hundreds of messages at once demanding to know your whereabouts, that’s definitely a warning sign for unhealthy or even abusive behavior.

Part of healthy communication is being aware of what you say and how that could be interpreted. Maybe what you thought was a playful joke actually hurt their feelings. Spending time together in person lets you explain yourself, as well as pick up on body language and facial cues. So if you want to talk about more serious matters or grow your relationship, save your talks for in-person. Pick a good time when they’re not busy or stressed and avoid attacking them if you feel something is wrong. Make eye contact and speak directly, making sure you know you’re listening to what your partner is saying.

Do you feel like your partner is suffocating you because they text constantly? Are you feeling threatened or like they have control over your life via text? Do they text you fun and sweet messages or are those texts also often berating, yelling, manipulating or making you feel anxious and fearful? If so, it’s possible that your relationship is unhealthy or abusive.

You have the right to be in a safe and healthy relationship free from all types of abuse. Learn about digital abuse, then help spread the message of healthy teen relationship during Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month by reading the National Respect Announcement at your school, youth group or wherever you see fit.

*This article was reposted from loveisrespect.org

Are you a gamer?

Check this out!  Since 2008, Jennifer Ann's Group has sponsored the Life. Love. Game Design Challenge to challenge video game designers and developers to create video games about teen dating violence. Here are the winners from 2013!

http://www.jenniferann.org/games.htm#2013

One in Three

Dating Abuse does not discriminate!  Speak up! Get help!

In an unsafe relationship and thinking about getting out?  Use Love is Respect's online Safety Planning Tool to stay safe!

http://www.loveisrespect.org/get-help/safety-planning

Have you seen the two part mini-movie about dating violence?  Watch it on YouTube today!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZ11945KwZc

Olympic Gymnast Jordyn Wieber Talks Healthy Dating

*re-posted from loveisrespect.org

Jordyn Wieber says great relationships and gymnastics both need one thing — balance.

She should know. Jordyn is an Olympic gold medalist and the reigning national women’s gymnastics champion. Today, she’s sharing her insight into healthy dating with teens at the Green Dot Ánimo Oscar De La Hoya High School. This special visit is a part of Mary Kay’s“Don’t Look Away” campaign to prevent and end domestic violence.

Jordyn decided to support Mary Kay’s “Don’t Look Away” campaign and loveisrespect because of the alarmingly high rates of dating abuse.

“After learning about the warning signs and shocking statistics of teen dating abuse, it is clear this kind of program is needed,” she said.

For Jordyn, the issue of dating abuse is personal. “The thought of my family, friends, teammates or fans becoming part of these statistics terrifies me. That alone motivates me to share the warning signs and the text-for-help program with as many people as possible.”

Jordyn plans on sharing what she’s learned on and off the beams about teamwork and good communication. She said it wasn’t hard to see the similarities between her favorite sport and building a healthy, respectful relationship.

“Just like gymnastics, balance and boundaries are key to healthy dating relationships,” said Jordyn.

Where to get help

Ever wonder where you can get help or more information about unhealthy relationships? Here are a few important links to check out!

Loveisrespect.org
Features a live chat and relationship quizzes to help you identify if you are in danger.

Breakthecycle.org
Get the 411 on what dating violence is and find out how you can get a restraining order.

Thatsnotcool.com
Send anonymous call out cards to let someone know they're not being cool, play fun games and create your own avatar.

Athinline.org
Your one stop shop about digital dating violence and bullying. It's an MTV Campaign, so you know it's awesome!

Nwnetwork.org
The NW Network offers Bisexual, Trans, Lesbian and Gay specific support and resources.

Showmelovedc.org
Another great resource for LGBT teens. Take quizzes, get the facts and know your rights!

Mystrength.org
Are you a strong man? This is the place for you to find information and spread the word that your strength is not for hurting! Send postcards and get resources.

DATING VIOLENCE CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE!

LGBTQ teens face added stress.

Being lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer can mean added stress for teens like you. While teens in general experience more stress fitting in, cramming homework in before the big game, and trying to memorize information that we think we'll never use again, LGBTQ teens face even more challenges due to homophobia. A lot of people think that there is less abuse in LGBTQ relationships because the partnership is more "equal." That is a myth; LGBTQ teens have plenty more to deal with than the power of gender.

In fact, according to Break the Cycle up to 50% of people who identify as LGBTQ will experience abuse at the hands of their bf/gf. People that already experience discrimination because of their dating preference can internalize the prejudice, mostly without realizing it. With a fear that there is no one who might understand and therefore no way to deal with it, hurt and anger can be directed at a partner.

So what can you do?

While it's tough to bring up dating violence in general, it can be even tougher to do it to an LGBTQ teen because of the fear that people may find out before they are ready to come out. This is often what a partner may use to threaten or coerce another partner. Recognize the signs---look for changes in attitude and self-esteem; school attendance or performance; mood; and sleeping, eating, and social patterns. Notice how your friend is talking to their partner. Are the texts or phone calls out of control? Is your friend's partner always checking up on them or not allowing them to spend time with friends and family? Check out any bruises or marks and question explanations that don't add up.

The most important thing you can do is be a nonjudgmental listener. Ask questions, express concern and offer resources. If you feel you don't have the skills to help them out, find someone who can. Here are some helpful resources, always remember to contact an adult if you feel your friend is in trouble.

Communities United Against Violence of California (CUAV): Diverse volunteers and staff are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year to support LGBTQQ people facing harassment, threats, attacks, and abuse. Phone: (415) 777-5500; 24 Hour Support Line: (415) 333-HELP Click here for their website!

Another Closet: Domestic Violence in Gay and Lesbian Relationships: Offers referrals for the person experiencing the abuse, support for friends and family of a LGBTQ person experiencing abuse, and personal stories. Click here to check it out!

The Northwest Network: A network of bisexual, trans, lesbian & gay survivors of abuse.Check it out!

Show Me Love DC: Show Me Love DC is a campaign to raise awareness about healthy relationships and provide resources for LGBTQ survivors of intimate partner violence. Click here for their website!

Have additional questions? Call the National Teen Dating Violence Hotline 24/7! 1-800-799-7233

(Information from Livestrong.com)

Schools out, It's officially summertime!

Now that school is out for the summer, there is more time to hang with friends, play video games, go to the beach and.....date? Yes, it's true. With no homework to worry about, going out to the movies with your crush is on your mind, right? That's cool, but do you know how to go out with someone safely? Here's a few tips on how to have an awesome time with that crush, safely:

Go out with people you know and trust
It's not always possible to become friends before going out with someone, but try to get to know them through a group activity or a double-date before you go solo. You'll see how your date-to-be gets along with others, and you'll get some good clues about what to expect from them. If you can't hang out in a group before you go out with them, try to talk on the phone before you make plans. Getting to know your crush before you go out gives you more to talk about and less to feel awkward about when you spend time together. Avoid meeting up with people from Facebook and twitter, I mean you've seen the news headlines, right?

Talk to your parents
Ok I know, parents are not our go to love life advisers. But they are the key to your safety. You don't have to tell them every single detail about how cute you think your crush is, but tell them who you're with and where you will be. The more info the better. Decide on a time you plan on coming home, and stick to that or call if plans change. You know how worried parents get! Don't give them a reason, take charge of your own safety. You might be surprised what they will trust you with. If you "forget" to tell your parents, make sure that an adult you can trust and a friend know where you are and who you are with.

That cell phone you're eyes are constantly glued to? Bring that along! This is a time when it may come in handy. Be prepared for the unexpected: You might need a ride home, some extra cash or a way to bail if your crush turns out to be totally lame.

Know your limits and communicate them
Think about your personal values and what you expect from this hang out before leaving the house. Be sure to let the person you're going out with know what makes you comfortable, what makes you uncomfortable and what kinds of things you'd like to avoid on your date, whether it's sex, alcohol, spicy foods or those spinny rides that make you sick. Let them know what kinds of things you would like to do, too! Plus, be sure you know and respect their limits as well.

If you feel uncomfortable about a situation, say "no" clearly and confidently. You're always allowed to change your mind about something, too. If someone likes and respects you, they'll back off. Don't worry: They will most likely ask you out again. And if they don't-their loss! If someone doesn't respect your decision, stay safe by leaving the situation.

Avoid drugs and alcohol 
Drugs and alcohol compromise your ability to make smart decisions and to escape dangerous situations. They can make you take risks you wouldn't usually take with your body, your car and your safety in general. They also prevent you from getting to know what your date is really like and keeps them from getting to know the real you.

If you feel like your hands will fall off if you don't have a drink on a date or at a party, keep an eye on your drink at all times. Many teens are sexually assaulted after someone slips drugs into whatever they're drinking.

Go out, don't hang out
Getting out of the house for dates is always a good goal, especially if it's your first time going out with somebody. Not only is it safer to hang out in a public place such as a restaurant, movie theater or coffee shop, it's fun to discover new places with someone else. Going out rather than hanging out tells your date that you think they're special and want to explore the world--not just the cable channels--with them.

If you want to spend some time alone with the person you're seeing, wait until you've had a few dates and have set ground rules for alone time. Even if your date wants to stroll through an empty park or make out in the car, you don't have to go along with it. Trust your gut, and don't be afraid to say no and call it a night.

Know the warning signs of an abusive relationship
Dating violence is extremely common among teens. 1 in 4 teens have or will experience it. Even if your crush is charming and sweet at first, look out for signs of abusive relationships, such as:

• isolating you from friends and family
• having angry outbursts
• blaming others for problems
• threatening to hurt you during arguments
• getting extremely jealous for no reason
• trying to control you by belittling your values or ideas.

If these warning signs sound like someone you're dating, take a step back and reevaluate the relationship. If you need help figuring out what to do, talk to a school guidance counselor, social worker, teacher, pastor or domestic violence hotline. You are not alone!

Oh, and don't forget to have fun! Hang with your friends too, you don't have to go out with anyone to have an awesome summer.

Information from http://teenadvice.about.com/od/datingrelationships/tp/Dating-Safely.htm

So...what exactly is a healthy relationship?

Everyone likes to talk about "healthy relationships," but what exactly is a healthy relationship? Find out! And see if your relationship stacks up.

  Mutual respect. Does your BF/GF get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because you're acting like someone you're not!) The key is that your BF or GF is into you for who you are — for your great sense of humor, your love of reality TV, etc. Does your partner listen when you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — the other person's boundaries.

  Trust. It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.

  Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.

  Support. It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but can't take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, your BF/GF is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play.

  Fairness/equality. You need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? It's not like you have to keep a running count and make sure things are exactly even, of course. But you'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.

  Separate identities. In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.

  Good communication. You've probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women don't seem to speak the same language. We all know how many different meanings the little phrase "no, nothing's wrong" can have, depending on who's saying it! But what's important is to ask if you're not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. Never keep a feeling bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants to hear or because you worry about sounding silly. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that if you ask for it.

 Sounds nice right? You deserve to have all of the above, now that's a healthy relationship! Info from: teenshealth.org/teen/

So your friend is abusive...what do you do?

We love our friends, and it's hard to tell them that we think they are doing something wrong. But it's our job as friends to call them out when they are being abusive, after all, it reflects who WE are if we continue to hang out with them. It's not easy to tell your friend that you think they are being abusive to their bf or gf, here are some tips to help the process go smoother:


*If you feel safe doing so, ask your friend how they feel and let them know you're concerned.

*Encourage your friend to talk to a counselor or an adult they trust for help. Be there for them when they reach out for help.

*Don't cut off your friend. Listen to them and help them clarify their feelings.

*Encourage them to be honest.

*Understand that abuse is a choice and don't get stuck in the middle.

*Don't encourage or make jokes about abuse. You want to be a part of the solution, not the problem.

Yeah, it's hard to tell your friend that they are being abusive, but it's even harder to stand by and watch it happen. Don't be a bystander, it's just not a good look on anyone.

Still having a hard time breaking the ice? Need some more advice or helpful hints?Contact the National Dating Abuse Helpline at www.loveisrespect.org and at 1-866-331-9474 (1-866-331-8453 TTY)

Info from thatsnotcool.org

Are you treating your bf/gf right? Check yourself with this quiz!

1. Do you ever get upset when your partner spends time with their family or friends without you?

2. Have you ever checked your partner’s phone or text messages without them knowing?

3. During past disagreements with your partner, have you been able to discuss problems calmly and resolve them together?

4. Have you ever tried to convince your partner to be more sexual with you?

5. In your opinion, is it ever ok to keep certain things private from your partner?

See how you scored:

1. If you answered YES: In a healthy relationship, it is important for both partners to respect each other’s space and their relationships with others. Discouraging or preventing a partner from seeing family or friends is controlling and unfair. Trying to control your partner is a warning sign for abusive behavior.

2. If you answered YES: Checking someone’s messages without their permission violates their privacy and their trust in you. If you are checking up on them because you suspect they are cheating it is best to be direct and talk about it.

3. If you answered NO: Healthy communication involves listening to each other during disagreements and communicating in a calm manner. Walking away from discussions or choosing not to resolve problems will deteriorate your relationship. Yelling and cussing are always inappropriate and are abusive methods of communication.

4. If you answered YES: A healthy sexual relationship means that both partners agree to and feel comfortable with sexual activity. Trying to pressure, convince, or beg a partner to have sex is unhealthy and shows disrespect for your partner’s boundaries and feelings. Using force or threats to have sex is sexual assault or rape.

5. If you answered NO: Although honesty is an important part of a healthy relationship, we are not entitled to know everything about the people we date. Everyone has the right to keep certain things private. It is, however, always best to be honest about things that affect the relationship. These are things that need to be shared.

Quiz from: teenrelationships.org

Check out these websites!

These websites have cool videos, facts, and other helpful information:

Loveisrespect.org

Love is respect has fun videos and relationship quizzes you can take to see how your relationship stacks up! This website also has a chat feature so you can chat live with a repesntative.

Loveisnotabuse.com

Got an iPhone? Get the Love Is Not Abuse app!The app is an educational resource that demonstrates the dangers of digital dating abuse and provides links to resources.


Breakthecycle.org

Break the cycle offers resources and information for anyone who is interested in helping to break the cycle of violence! You can request a speaker to come to your school!

Thatsnotcool.org

That's not cool has a really cool feature that let's you create your own avatar right on the website! It aso has call out cards which are annonymous digital cards that you can email or facebook to safely give them a hint about what you think! Stop by and play one of their many cool games!

Athinline.org

A Thin Line is a website created by MTV. You can draw your line to let everyone know not to cross it. Take a quiz to see how much digital drama you have in your life!Get the facts on sexting and other forms of digital disrespect!

Everybody argues: How to do it right!

We all get angry and hurt from time to time, but feeling angry and inflicting our full force of fury on our bf/gf are two very different things. Exploding out of anger can damage a relationship and is totally unhealthy. Here are some tips for arguing fair, you'll be surprised how effective it is when you lower your voice and communicate!

1. Absolutely no physical violence! It is never ok to hit. When you are angry, the likelihood of hurting someone more than triples, even if you don't intent to hurt them. You don't know your own strength when adrenaline is pumping through your body. Ever heard of the women who picked up a truck with her bare hands when her baby was in trouble? Exactly, keep your hands to yourself!

2. Never name call or belittle. It won't get you anywhere, it will hurt the relationship and both people involved. Remember, words can be weapons too!

3. Don't dig up the past. Avoid the "you always" and the "remember when you's." Stay focused on the topic you are arguing about now. It isn't healthy to bring up past arguments and issues, then you'll never get anything solved!

4. Establish your "bottom line," and make sure that the other person knows it. If crossed, you may need to end the relationship.

5. There should always be one person talking at a time! It's simple really, you won't be able to hear each other otherwise. It's not a duet, it's an argument.

6. Either person may take a "chill pill" at anytime. If the argument gets too intense or someone feels cornered, they are allowed a break to re-coop their thoughts.

7. Never fight "dirty." You know how to push each others buttons, don't cheat and go for the vulnerable spots you know your bf/gf has. It's too easy, and it's just plain mean and unproductive.

8. Agree to have a third person step in if it gets out of hand. If you ever feel unsafe, contact an adult you trust.

It's Not Just The Physical: Intimidation, Threats, and Sexual Coercion

We usually think about hitting and physical things as abuse, but thats NOT the only form of abuse. These are often dismissed and ignored:

Intimidation
Making you afraid by using looks, actions or gestures
Smashing things
Destroying property
Abusing pets

Threats
Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you
Threatening to leave, commit suicide, report you to the police
Making you drop charges
Making you do illegal things

Sexual Coercion
Manipulating or making threats to get sex
Threatening to tell your parents that you are having sex
Getting your drunk or drugging you to get sex
Telling you that if you really loved them you would do this for them
Making you feel like you owe them sex


You can’t control other people’s decisions and you’re not responsible for their actions. But you can make healthy choices for yourself. Telling someone what to wear is controlling. And even if you have a disagreement, it shouldn’t become a screaming match. If you or someone you know hears someone say they’re going to kill themselves, it’s time to tell an adult you trust or call the National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: 1 (866) 331-9474 You have the right to make your own decisions about sex and your bf/gf shouldn't make you feel guilty about them.

(information from loveisrespect.org)

Breaking up is hard to do: how to do it safely

When someones hurts you, it can be tough to end things because you may be scared about what will happen after. How will they take the news? Will they be angry? Here are a few tips on breaking up safely:

Remember that you don’t owe them anything. This person hurt you and, in many cases, destroyed your self-esteem, all while being totally aware of what they were doing. You don’t owe them an explanation, a face-to-face breakup, another chance or even a returned phone call. You owe yourself the peace of mind of being safe.

Be clear that you don’t want any further contact. This can be hard to swallow, but it will be better for you in the long run. You can’t change their behavior, but you can change your own. Blocking them through facebook, phone and email can take away their ability to contact you, so that would be a great option too.

If you do decide to meet with them, take someone with you. A quick getaway if your partner starts to become angry is a must for this situation. If you can’t have someone there with you, at least have someone on speed dial and let a few people know what time you leave and what time you want to be home. Always meet in public where there will be other people around and be insistent on not leaving the sight of at least one other set of eyes (even if they are a stranger’s).

Know what you want to say and how you want to say it. It is so tempting to fall back into the relationship. Keep a list handy (at all times) of why you broke things off. Some things are unforgivable from a partner and insults, physical harm or threats definitely fall into this category. Be sure that what you are saying makes it clear that you have suffered enough and don’t want them in your life. Be strong- you can do it!

Stay safe at school. If you have to see them at school, let your teachers and/or guidance counselor know. You have a right to feel safe on the way to school, at school and on the way home. If this person is taunting or threatening you at school, it is important that you let someone know. Develop a plan for when you at school to keep you feeling safe. Have a friend walk you to class and have a place to go afterschool (like your favorite teacher’s class) if you need to wait for a parent to pick you up. Take a hiatus from any extracurriculars you share with your ex-partner.

Call a dating violence hotline. Like the National Dating Abuse Hotline 1-866-331-9474 They are pros at this and can talk you through more specific strategies for your breakup.

Info taken from loveisrespect.org check out their website for more helpful information!

Are you a jealousy monster??

Scene: Your bf is talking to Jessica in 2nd hour and then walks out of class with her laughing because she dropped her planner for the second time that day. You see them together and you get an uneasy feeling in your stomach. That feeling is jealousy, and it’s perfectly normal. How you react to that feeling determines whether you are a jealousy monster or a cool gf.

If you tease your bf and brush it off because you have nothing to worry about-I mean he’s with you not her right?-then you’re a cool gf.

If you yell at him and start asking questions like “Why were you flirting with her?” or “Why don’t you think I’m pretty?” then you are a jealousy monster!! What can you do to make your relationship healthy?

-Own your feelings! Jealousy has nothing to do with your bf/gf, it has everything to do with how you feel about yourself.

-Tackle your insecurity. Jealousy is a form of insecurity. Tell your bf/gf how you really feel and don’t expect those feelings to go away overnight. For the most part, jealousy shows that you have low self esteem. Know that you are worthwhile!

-Learn from the past and deal with what’s real. Realize that getting upset for no reason won’t help your situation. Look back to how this has damaged your relationships in the past.

-Get help from your bf/gf and your friends. Let them help keep you in check.

-If you can talk yourself into jealousy, you can talk yourself out of it. Don’t let your imagination run wild with thoughts. Calm yourself down by thinking, “Yea that girl was looking at my bf but I have no evidence that he wants to date her instead of me.”

Remember, it’s totally cool to be a little jealous and it may even be a little flattering, but don’t become a jealousy monster and destroy your relationship! That's just straight up unhealthy!

Textual Harrasment

Have you been pressured to send a nude pic to your bf or gf? It can be hard to say no to someone you care about, even if it's something you don't want to do. Keep these things in mind when you are confronted with a nude pic request:

-Once you click the send button, there is no take backs! It's out there in the digital world forever!

-Even if they cross their heart and pinky promise not to show anyone, they might. It's totally out of your control once you send it.

-Nearly 1 in 5 sext recipients have passed along a sext to someone else, even if they have promised to keep it private.

-More than 50% of people who have shared a sext, have shared it with MULTIPLE people. Think about that, your nude pic could end up in the whole schools hands!

-If someone really cared about you, they wouldn't pressure you to do things you are not comfortable with.

If you are having a hard time saying no, try this:

Send them a callout card! It's a funny and totally anonymous way to let someone know that you're not into sending nude pics!

Test your skills on saying no to pic pressure with this cool game.


(Facts from athinline.org)

Constant Texting: That's Not Cool!

22% of teens say their boy/girlfriend checks up on them too often.

Three questions to ask yourself about constant texting and messaging:

1.Why does my bf/gf need to know where I am and what I'm doing every minute of the day?

In a healthy relationship, partners trust each other and give each other room to breathe, enjoy time with friends and family, and chill out. In an emotionally abusive relationship, one partner tries to control the other, often by demeaning them, making them feel worthless, and trying to control their actions and decisions. Take constant messaging for what it is: a big flashing neon sign that says, "I'm trying to control you!" Talk it out, and cut the cord if it doesn't stop.

2.Does sending or receiving a message every 5 minutes all day and night seem normal?

Open communication is an important part of any relationship or friendship. But when the line between staying in touch and keeping tabs gets blurry, it's time for an offline convo with your bf/gf. And if you see it happening with your friends – whether they're doing it or it's happening to them – show them some love by calling them out on it.

3.Do the messages I'm receiving sometimes make me feel bad?

If a friend, partner, or the person you hooked up with last month is using IMs, emails, or texts to say mean things about how you look, what you're wearing, or who you're with on a regular basis, that's a form of emotional abuse. We're not talking about one text, one time, that said your blue dress wasn't his or her favorite... we're talking about a pattern of power-tripping comments meant to make you feel bad.

If constant texing is not your thing, draw your line! Don't assume s/he realizes they're texting your relationship into the ground. Talk it out and be crystal clear about what specifically needs to change (in other words, don't just say, ‘Quit texting me all the time!'). Texting to make plans or if you haven't seen each other all day? Fine. Texting every five minutes to see where you are and who you are with? Not okay.

(Information from athinline.org)

Be an active bystander! Help a friend

Dating violence is not just about the abuser and the person being abused. It is a serious problem that effects everyone involved. There are three roles in dating violence:

Abuser: A person who physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally hurts or attempts to control an intimate partner

Target: A person who is subjected to controlling behavior or hurt physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally by a intimate partner.

Bystander: A person who is aware or suspects that someone is being abused in a dating relationship. The bystander may become aware of the abuse through the abuser’s or target’s actions or words.

A bystander does not have to witness the abuse; they simply have to know about the abuse. An active bystander should encourage the target to talk to someone who can provide help and guidance and offer their support. Bystanders can also talk to friends who are behaving abusively and express their disapproval or ask them to stop if they feel safe doing so. Studies show, that teens are more likely to confide in their friends than any other source.BE AN ACTIVE BYSTANDER! You can help make a difference.


(Adapted from loveisnotabuse.com, 2011)